Those little voices

Haven’t posted much in the last couple of weeks because I’ve been going through a very annoying on/off period in my motivation. Haven’t really felt like being insightful on the topic lol.

Was inspired today however by an article I read in the new issue of UK Glamour, which talks about where we get our body insecurities from. A lot of the dialogue around this topic is about the media and how celebrities etc affect our body image, but interestingly this article asked whether we actually get more of it from those close to us. Watching a family member struggle with a diet, being in school and taking all the banter (some jocular and some more malevolent) about each other’s features to heart. That kind of thing.

 

So where do those voices niggling at us and telling us our boobs aren’t perky enough or that we’ve got bingo wings really come from?

 

To use a terrible cliche, it’s food for thought. I can vividly remember critical jokes or comments that got made about me at school. I can remember my mum going to Weight Watchers and eating different meals from the rest of us. I probably felt far worse about comments I got than I ever did about looking at any celebrity and noticing how beautiful they were. The one that really sticks out is that during some school health class, for some reason they put us on the scales. I knew I was larger than my friends (I’ve mentioned in previous years that when puberty started so did my weight gain) but it was never the first thing on my mind until that day. I had got on the scales after one of the larger boys in the class; I sometimes wonder if he was made to feel as awkward about his size as I was. Anyway, while I was standing on them somebody made a really crass comment that they were doing it to pair us up by weight to have sex. It was just the kind of stupid thing a young boy who would like to pretend he knows more about sex than he does is likely to come out with, but I felt a lot more self-conscious when I stepped off that scale than I had when I happily stepped onto it. My awareness of my size – especially in comparison to others – shot up.

I still to this day remember how much I weighed. It was a bit under 6 and a half stone. The only other number I remember so vividly is the evil “holy shit” number I reached 18 months ago which I still can’t bear to disclose and got me back on the diet wagon with a vengeance!

 

Still, did experiences like that really create those insecurities? I’m not sure. I wonder if they weren’t already buried there in my subconscious waiting to be triggered into view. Nobody’s ever told me that I look older than I am (I’m often mistaken for younger actually, which always makes me feel a bit smug lol) and yet in the last couple of weeks I’ve developed a bit of a complex about the first frown line starting to make itself known on my forehead and started pondering how old you should be before making a switch to anti-aging moisturisers. So I can’t sit here and claim every insecurity I have got triggered by someone else!

 

As with many of my posts – I have no answer but it’s an interesting question.

Much love Curvy Girl x

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